Lost in Paris

The first day of Paris.... it was perfect. I felt that passion and inspiration for life.


The second day of Paris...... It got better and better. It became a place of refuge for my emotions. Somewhere I always wanted to go to... especially on Sundays.


As I wandered through Paris I opened my eyes to poetry as an essential part of life. I realized how Paris wasn't just a place I could visit so often it became a  part of me and that's why I think Paris will stay with me for a long time.


As my trip to Paris came to an end I realized how I could express myself so simply and how I could find inspiration not just while I was touring but even while on the plane ride back. I found myself on this tour through Paris. I wasn't just inspired in my writing but in my life as well. I found a new me throughout my tour in Paris.


I am so sad to leave Paris because I enjoyed every tour I was on. I loved learning about creativity and not just the museum tours. I liked how sentence structure was the foundation of the tour.


I loved PARIS!!

"that girl"

I want to be that inspiration
Like that song you still remember from when you were two.
Like that great grandma who inspired you.
I want to be that girl.
You know, "that girl"
"that girl"




I want to sing at the moon and shine it on you.
I want to paint the sky so we can watch it forever
and ever
and ever
I want to be that girl you know that girl.




I want to cry to the moon and wash it off at noon
I want to feel emotion.
I want real.
You know "real".




I want us to be true.
Like even if its blue.
I want that honest love.
You know "that love"




I know you have no clue.
But I want to be with you.
With you.
With you.




If only you wanted it too.

I'm trying to be positive this week Nelson, so this is for you guys.

Merry Christmas! This is my gift to you over the internet. (I really do hope you make this snowman and color this page.)

can you tell I have writers block??

It's important to remember things.

Like your address. 

Like your Mom's phone number.

Like what time school starts in the morning.

Like your best friends name.

Like which boy your actually dating.

Like a blog post you have to complete before 12.

BE HAPPY

HOW TO BE HAPPY:
1. Do more of what you love to do.
2. Surround yourself with positive people.
3. Smile even when you don't want to.
4. Tell people how much they mean to you.
5. Take chances.
6. Love.
7. Don't judge.
8. Apply "WWJD" to every decision.

Remember When

I was that country girl who loved the music her daddy played while she sat next to him in his big red pick up truck.

Now I'm no where close to her.

Remember when we drove our big camo four-wheelers every Saturday and packed some beef jerky to snack on and we loved it. 

Now I drive a little volts wagon and shop on Saturdays.

Remember when we visited Georgia every summer together and you told me all about that small town.

Now I spend my summer at the swimming pool.

Remember when me and you hiked together and then afterwards you bought me that teddy bear bracelet I wore every day and treasured.

Now I can't even keep my closet clean because I have too many clothes. 

I want that back. I want my simple country life back.

This is the HIGH life

risks question the plan for real crimes.

music was clear in our feel.

a Tribute to my Teachers #THX

When I have a terrible day at school there are certain teachers who make my day.

Ms. Wentz: If I don't end up getting married I will do exactly what she does. Get a good enough job to support myself and live a happy life alone. I mean she goes out to eat every night by herself at a fancy restaurant and she just has fun alone. I totally look up to her for that. She also is always in a good mood which makes chemistry a lot easier to learn.

Mr. Nelson: If I'm having a bad day I go to creative writing and he always makes me laugh and I suddenly am happy again. I don't have any other class that does that for me. Honestly my favorite class by far.

Mrs. Summers: For putting up with me for turning in late assignments after every deadline. Every deadline.

Mrs. Jaynes: For making Macbeth a joy for me to actually learn about. For also making debates allowed in the classroom because I love that so much.

Mrs. Houston: For letting me eat that order of fries and bowl silly everyday.

Mom and Dad: For teaching me EVERYTHING I know. I seriously don't know where I would be without you guys. Seriously.

#THX

*** *** *** *** *** ***

I promise this means something... at least to me.

I'm thinking about you.
Like phones think about calling.
Like eyes think about balling.
Like mascara thinks about running.
Like trash thinks about value.....?

I'm thinking about you.
Like trees think about growing.
Like hearts think about beating.
Like leaves think about falling.
Like how I think about us....?

I'm thinking about you.
Like water thinks about flowing.
Like rocks think about skipping.
Like popsicles think about melting.
Like you think about this....?

I'm thinking about you.
Like wells think about wishing.
Like lips think about kissing.
Like words think about spelling.
Like hearts think about breaking.

#boyproblems #drama

I give up on you.

You dropped me like a ton of bricks.

Good thing I was only a foot off the ground to begin with.

But, I still want you.

You shattered my confidence.

You changed your mind a million times.

You treat me like trash.

But, I still want you.

You never text back.

You told me it was guy's night so you didn't have to hangout with me.

You never wanted to be seen with me.

But, I still want you.

You know that before we ever met my confidence was unshakable. Then suddenly you came into my life and told me I wasn't good enough for anyone. You suck because now I feel like a total loser and I can't talk to anyone because half my family is gone and my one and only best friend is "too busy". 

You did nothing wrong. You couldn't have you did nothing at all. And that is totally worse than doing something. You made me feel like nothing when you did nothing. You made me feel like crap when you did nothing. 

But, I still want you and I hate myself because of it. 

these are a few of my favorite things:

• minty gum
• VW's
• bathing late
• singing to dumb song's
• mid Sunday naps
• no homework
• those crepes that French girl made me
• dances
• my wardrobe
• canyon
• being myself
• birthday's
• when my mom says she's scared of miley cyrus
• warm laundry on a cold day
• bare foot walks in the rain 
• family
• gentleman
• chick flicks
• being single
• pumpkin chocolate chip cookies
• TV series
• writing in my journal
• him

The MOON

I remember the night.

You told me I was the moon.

I was flattered and then you kissed me.

I was still blushing when I ran off.

I ran off because I was scared of love, I was scared it would end.

I ran because my stomach couldn't handle the moon.

P.S. My heart still breaks when I see you.

Dear Heartbreaker,

Cool, I didn't like you anyway.

Wait, Just kidding I do I still do and it kills me inside.

You know when we broke up we never officially ended it. We broke up best friends.

I keep lying to myself every time I see you and her together.

My mind tells me I'm still yours and we've ended it for months now.

I hate her because she loves you and I can tell.

I see you hold her the same way you held me and I can't help but see myself in her.

It makes me wonder if you played me like you're playing her now.

I can tell because I know you; I know you well.

I know your eyes and they tell a story about our past, and it makes me lonely.

Please stop messing with my heart. It hurts.

IDK

I live to die another day.

I live to love the man I know will never love me.

I live to, really I don't know why I'm living besides to maybe, hopefully one day my life will get better.

If I had one wish I would wish to die because I heard heavens a cool place and earth has been trying to reject me since I was born.

The great thing about loneliness is that when I die the only ones to mourn for my lose would be my parents.

The great thing about loneliness is that you have no expectations to fill.

Life's Ambitions (Death)

As I was walking along the Las Vegas strip today I looked around and I thought to myself how do I want to live so that when I die I can look back and be proud of what I did. I looked at the man who was singing with his guitar and he looked so depressed about his life just because maybe he didn't get as famous as what he had in mind but at the same time he was so passionate about his life.

I think that it doesn't matter what I do in this life I just want to live life with no regrets. I want to live knowing that I did all I could do and that I fulfilled my dreams to the best of my abilities.

Were all going to die. I think that is the key to a happy life. I want to live like everyday is my last. I think that I will be more out there I will be kinder to the people  I love. Think about it, if you loved someone and you died and never told them would you regret it?

I would. I think death becomes more real when you live by knowing you might die any day.

picture's are worth a million words

Why are we afraid of what we haven't experienced?

You're not afraid of god you're afraid of religion

You're not afraid of love you're afraid of desperation

You're not afraid of death you're afraid of life

You're not afraid of falling you're afraid of sinking

You're not afraid of being yourself you're afraid of judgment

You're not afraid to rebel you're afraid of consequences

You're not afraid of failing you're afraid of starting over

Fear drives the car into the wall. Fear collides your life and end together.

So I sit here and continue to fear my fears because once one has a fear you can't just fear that fear away it stays in your mind and contains your thoughts. It's not easy to clear your mind believe me I would've already cleaned my slate a billion times if I could.

I don't say this to erase your soul from hope.

But, sinking doesn't always float my boat.

So, do we even know what our fears truly are?

I've never sunk, died, been consumed by a spider etc. Yet we are afraid of those things. How?

Fears shouldn't exist because what if dying is peaceful? What if its actually enjoyable? It might actually be. Finally starting a new chapter of our lives and not just enduring this hell we call earth.

Fears doesn't exist its just our imaginations running wildly into the ground. Running to the song of doubt and pessimisticness. 

I Miss Him (bricks)

This is a crisis.
My foundation falls.
My brick wall tumbles.
My heart explodes.
My mind repeats.
My tears agree to gravity.
My mascara stings mine own skin.
My hands begin to rumble.
My throat holds the tears back.
The world stops and stares.
Reminisce.
Think of the beauty that came about because of him.
The childhood long ago that gave us freedom.
The chance to become best friends.
The teachings he taught me by example that lead my happy life.
I love him.
And now he's gone.
They take them all away they do.
I swear of it.
 

Death Questions

What do we do when were dead? Do we stay in our bodies uncommunicative and sketch out boring games in our minds while laying in a coffin forever? Do we travel to heaven and lose our bodies and talk in spirit?

What if I were to die tomorrow or the next? Would I stay this way forever? this age for eternity?

If there was a heaven what would I do? Would I enjoy life in the same place forever? Would I make a world for other people like god did for us?

What if we didn't even live after we died? What if everything just went dark and we actually just died? like really died.

I don't even know all the questions and answers but I hope I made you think a little.

what I feel like doing when I'm depressed:

• Drive my car to some remote park and sit and read: so I can escape this world and maybe live in another just for some time.
• Call my best friend. I will talk to no one else.
• Eat junk.
• Sleep for excessive amounts of time.
• Cry for no specific reason.
• Shop with either by myself or just with my best friend.
• People watch.
• Clean my room because I get stressed out if its not clean even though its not clean most of the time so yes, that makes me stressed out all the time.
• Watch the notebook and eat ice cream. Cookie dough is preferred.
• Avoid everyone.